BoJack Horseman Wiki

These are quotes from Todd Chavez.

Season 1[]

The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One[]

Todd Chavez: Morning, sunshine. (BoJack groans) Why so gloomy, roomie?


Todd: Alright, look, I mean, I stepped on a needle earlier. I think I'm addicted to heroin now, so now that's probably gonna be a whole thing.

Say Anything[]

Todd Chavez: Well, good news, bad news. The bad news is that there actually is no good news, and the other bad news is BoJack's gone.


Todd: Hooray! And you know, I don't throw that word around lightly.

Season 2[]

Season 3[]

It’s You[]

Todd: No! No, BoJack, just stop. You are all the things that are wrong with you. It’s not the alcohol, or the drugs or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid. It’s you. All right? It’s you. Fuck, man. What else is there to say?

Season 4[]

Hooray! Todd Episode![]

Todd Chavez: I never know if I can handle anything. That's what makes my life so exciting. 

Todd Chavez: I do love getting my picture taken. It's proof I exist.

Stupid Piece of Sh*t[]

Todd Chavez: It's always nice to be included in a sentence someone says.

lovin that cali lifestyle!![]

Todd Chavez: Okay, so you know you always give pep talks to people saying they need to get their shit together? Well this is me, giving you the Princess Carolyn pep talk.

Season 5[]

Season 6[]

The Kidney Stays in the Picture[]

[Todd is putting on a puppet show for Ruthie in the living room while she lies in her playpen in Princess Carolyn's apartment]

Todd: [with male and female sockpuppets on his hands, in a high-pitched, female voice] "I looked into that case first chance I got and there was that note still tied there." That lion hadn't touched water in his life." [switches over to deeper-sounding voice to play a male character.] "Doesn't mean nothing, Alma." [switches back over to the female voice] "Don't try to fool me no more, Ennis. [angry tone] I know what it means." Jack twist, Jack nasty.

[There is a knock on the door, Ruthie lies on her back and coos]

Todd[announcer's voice] The Sockpuppet Players' tribute to Ang Lee will continue after this.

[Todd walks off to answer the door to his stepfather Jorge]

Todd: [coldly, back to his normal voice] Oh, hello Jorge.

Jorge: I have some news. It's about your mother. [dramatic music plays]

Todd:[coldly, angrily] Oh, is the news that you're marrying her, inserting yourself into our family and ruining my life? Because I already heard that news like twenty-five years ago, Jorge.

[Ruthie coos and is seen teething on the walls of her playpen]

Jorge: I didn't come to your home to fight.

Todd: Then jokes on you because you didn't come to my home at all. I just sleep on the couch...

Jorge: [sighs]

Todd: ...Since you and mom gave me the boot.

Jorge: That was ten years ago.

Todd: Which, by the way, is the only thing you ever gave me.

Jorge: I gave you my name, and you have clearly wasted it. Do you know what the Chavez name stands for?

Todd: [annoyed] Yes, Jorge.

[Jorge holds up a letter block and turns it around to spell out "CHAVEZ."]

Jorge: Chavez! C for cerebral! H for high-minded! A for analytical! V for veracious! E for efficacious! And Z for zealously practical.

[Todd lies on the sofa]

Todd: Feels like a cheat on the 'Z.'

Jorge: Todd, your mother needs your help.

Todd: Well, then instead of sending her husband, she should have asked me herself if it's so important to her.

Jorge: She's in a coma.

Todd: [sarcastically] A rudeness coma?

Jorge: No, a regular coma.

Todd: [realization, concern] Oh my god, why didn't you open with that?

Jorge: Please, your mother needs a kidney. I put her on the donor waiting list, but if you're a match...

Todd: Oh, I'm sorry. Of course, I would give Mom my kidney.

Jorge: Then there's no time to waste—

Todd: Would give her my kidney. Would. You need to work on your listening skills. I sold my extra kidney just last week. [lifts up hoodie to show Jorge his scar]

Jorge: Why?

Todd: I wanted to buy these sock puppets.

Jorge: You sold your kidney for—I'm sorry I came. If you would like to visit your mother she's—

Todd: Wait, what if instead of visiting my mother, we got my kidney back? [He picks up Ruthie from her playpen] Come on Ruthie! We're going on a field trip to the organ market!

[Ruthie coos] [Jorge groans]

Nice While It Lasted[]

Todd Chavez: *Laughs* Oh Well! It was nice while it lasted, right?