These are all the quotes said by Princess Carolyn

Season One

BoJack Horseman: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One

Princess Carolyn: I don't know how you expect me to love you when you so clearly hate yourself.

Princess Carolyn: BoJack!
BoJack: Oh, my God, we just broke up.
Princess Carolyn: Yeah, but I'm still your agent! I pride myself on my ability to separate my professional life from my personal life.

BoJack: Great. Then, as my agent, do you think I'm getting fat?
Princess Carolyn: No way! You are in the prime of your life, never looked better!
BoJack: What about as my ex-girlfriend?
Princess Carolyn: You look like a pile of crap ate a second pile of crap and then crapped out a third pile of crap.
BoJack: Wait, wait, so which pile of crap do I look like?
Princess Carolyn: The third one.
BoJack: What? That's the worst one!

Princess Carolyn: So, are you available for Tuesday, or are you gonna be too busy masturbating to old pictures of yourself?

Princess Carolyn: Take it easy, are you kidding?! He doesn't have a job. He has no real responsibilities. He doesn't do anything but take it easy!

BoJack Hates The Troops

Princess Carolyn: Listen, dummy, I want to make sure you're all set for your first day with Diane tomorrow.
BoJack: Is she gonna ask me a bunch of personal questions?
Princess Carolyn: The woman we're paying to ghostwrite your memoir? Yeah, probably.
BoJack: Okay, all right, there's no need to get—
Princess Carolyn: What, catty? Are you gonna say catty?
BoJack: I was not gonna say "catty."
Princess Carolyn: Oh, what were you gonna say?
BoJack:... I was gonna say catty, because you're a cat...
Princess Carolyn: (bats at scratching post toy with an unamused look) Goodbye, BoJack.
BoJack: Laura, I know you're listening! You got it, right?
Princess Carolyn: Laura, do not respond to him! Goodbye, BoJack.

Princess Carolyn: BoJack! I'm gonna level with you, honey. This whole you hating the troops thing is not great!

Princess Carolyn: I know, BoJack, just like always, you're right, and everyone else is wrong. But if you don't swallow your pride, this is never gonna let up. I know you're stubborn...
BoJack: I'm not stubborn, I'm proud!
Princess Carolyn: That's kind of the same thing.
BoJack: No, it's an important distinction!
Princess Carolyn: Okay, fine. You're not stubborn. But I'm about to tell you something very important, so I want you to listen carefully...I'm getting another call. I'm gonna have to put you on hold.

Say Anything

Princess Carolyn: You gotta get your shit together. So you took some licks, but you're gonna bounce back because you're talented, you're smart and, goddammit, you're good. You are a goddamn American treasure, you know that? You are BoJack. Goddamn. Horseman.

Princess Carolyn: Of course, of course. That's what you get when you fall for a horse.

Princess Carolyn: You gotta get your shit together. So yesterday you let yourself fall in love a little bit and you got your heart broken. Serves you right for having feelings! Starting now you are a hard, heartless career gal. Go to work, be awesome at it, and don't waste time on foolish flights of fancy. From now on, you're a robot. Beep bop boop blerp bleep.

Princess Carolyn: Where else would I go?

PC's Phone: Happy Birthday, Princess Carolyn
Princess Carolyn: [Sigh] Thanks, phone.
PC's Phone: You Are Forty.

Season Two


Vincent Adultman: This is boring. I want to go home.
Princess Carolyn: Vincent, be nice! He's a little cranky because he just got adult braces. 
BoJack: You mean, braces.
Vincent Adultman: Princess Carolyn, stop embarrassing me!

BoJack: If I could get everyone's attention. You're probably wondering why I invited you all here tonight.
Princess Carolyn: You said it was to celebrate Todd's legal victory.
BoJack: Right, but obviously, I don't care about that, so you're probably wondering the real reason.
Princess Carolyn: No, we just took you at face value (!)

After the Party

Vincent Adultman: Hi.
Princess Carolyn: Well, well, well, look what the me dragged in. Is it dragged or drug? Either way, drop dead.

Season Three

BoJack Kills

Princess Carolyn: (on the phone) Mr. Peanutbutter, my favorite weekday client. Why are you calling on the weekend?
Mr. Peanutbutter: I need your help. I've done something bad, very bad.
Princess Carolyn: Put the corpse on ice, I'm on my way.

Season Four


Charley Witherspoon: I'm so proud of you!
Princess Carolyn: Your approval means nothing to me.

Princess Carolyn: [singing drunkenly] Look at me, I'm a dumb cat queen, my baby was the size of a kidney bean!

Ralph: Judah told me you might be here. Did you fire him?
Princess Carolyn: That hipster Chewbacca, always getting in my personal biz-natch!
Ralph: I didn't know you still had this place. Why do you still have this place?
Princess Carolyn: Ok, what, third degree much?
Ralph: Have you been drinking?
Princess Carolyn: It's fine, OK? I get to drink because baby went gone!
Ralph: What?
Princess Carolyn: Gone, baby, gone! Like that Ben Affleck movie. Ooh, that could be a sequel: Gone Baby Never Was! Write that down!
Ralph: Oh my god, Princess Carolyn...
Princess Carolyn: It's ok! You know me! I always land on my feet! Take a lickin', keep tickin'! Like a lollipop with Tourette's! Write that down.

Princess Carolyn: It's so easy for you, to love me when everything's good.
Ralph: Princess Carolyn, I—let me take you home
Princess Carolyn: No. You need to live in this. You need to get used to this because if you're serious about having a baby with me, this could happen again. Are you prepared for that? This could happen five more times, but I'm ready for that, because I want this. Do you want it that bad?
Ralph: *sighs* I just think— we should maybe talk about other options.
Princess Carolyn: OK. Here's another option: get out of my apartment!
Ralph: I'm sorry, I—
Princess Carolyn: Get out! Save it for your next girlfriend, the one you can take home to your parents, the one who's easy!
Ralph: [sighs] ... Goodbye, Princess Carolyn.

Princess Carolyn: Hey, you wanna know what I do when I have a really bad, awful, terrible day?
BoJack: What?
Princess Carolyn: I imagine my great-great-great granddaughter in the future, talking to her class about me. She's poised, and funny, and tells people about me and how everything worked out in the end. And when I think about that, I think about how everything's going to work out, because how else could she tell people?
BoJack: But it's... fake.
Princess Carolyn: Yeah, well, it makes me feel better.

Season Five

The Light Bulb Scene

Flip:(to BoJack) You're the only one with a problem here. Gina is fine with it.
BoJack: (to Flip) Gina is not fine with it.
Princess Carolyn: You guys, you're almost saying exactly the same thing. Except one of you is saying "not."

The Dog Days Are Over

Princess Carolyn: Oh, my God, are you okay? I saw everything.
Diane: Yeah, I'm fine.
Princess Carolyn: I can't pick sides in this divorce because I'm good friends with the both of you, but I want you to know, no matter what, I'm here for you and also there for him. And if you ever need anything, just let me know and I'll be your rock, as long as it doesn't conflict with me also being Mr.Peanutbutter's rock, or my work, which is keeping me very busy.

Planned Obsolescence

Princess Carolyn: (to Gina) Can we lose the liner notes and get to the singing? I'm a producer. I can't just sit around having conversations, all day. (Gina sings a song from Kernel of Truth then apologizes awkwardly and leaves with tears in her eyes.) BoJack, I don't know what kind of power games you two are playing, but keep it in the bedroom. That was just mean, to her and to us.

BoJack the Feminist

Princess Carolyn: [to Diane] This town is as wishy-washy as a virgin on prom night.
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