|This article is about Pastiches Malibu Rehabilitation Center. You may be looking for Partridges Malibu Rehabilitation Center.|
Pastiches Malibu is a large Spanish-style white building with a red tile roof. It has several archways, large windows, a balcony, and a glass double door at the entrance.
In the parking lot, there is a small water fountain and a sign for the facility.
In The Stopped Show, Diane drops off BoJack at Pastiches Malibu Rehabilitation Center with some tough words of encouragement-he can either do what he's been doing all his life or he can see what these guys have to offer.
She tells him she considers him to be her best friend and helps him rehearse what he will say before going inside.
Although, rehab won't solve every problem BoJack says he'll give it a try.
In A Horse Walks into a Rehab where BoJack is ringing the bell, at the reception desk at Pastiches Malibu Rehabilitation Center. The male groundhog receptionist startles BoJack, by popping up from behind the desk. He then enthusiastically welcomes BoJack to the facility.
The receptionist then tells BoJack to pay $100,000 for his six-week package. BoJack then retorts, by asking if every room comes with a free bag of $90,000. The groundhog tells him, that one cannot put a price on clean living. BoJack counters yet, Pastiches has found a way to do just that.
The groundhog then pulls out his camera and asks BoJack for a selfie. BoJack says no to this. The receptionist's face falls, as he tells BoJack that every client takes a picture with him for his corkboard, as a tradition.
BoJack then says he is not in the mood and he looks awful. The groundhog then tells BoJack about other celebrities, who checked into Pastiches and had their pictures taken. He says they were all in the same or worse condition BoJack when they arrived at the facility.
BoJack then asks the groundhog to show him to his room, and leave him alone, so he can begin the process of healing and stop hurting his loved ones. The groundhog then apologizes.
BoJack is then shown to be lethargic, as he goes through withdrawal symptoms, and isn't really able to do the activities at rehab like everyone else.
The groundhog once again asks BoJack for the selfie. BoJack refuses, but he spots Sarah Lynn's selfie on the wall. After this point, BoJack is shown to be doing somewhat better, and there is a montage of him doing activities such as the nature hikes, group discussions, and yoga.
BoJack is then later seen at a group therapy session, where he encourages a woman named Denise to let her feelings out.
The therapy horse Doctor Champ, tells them in rehab, there is a saying that "everyone takes a different route to get to Soberopilis, USA." Doctor Champ then asks BoJack about the first time he drank. BoJack deflects this, jokingly saying, "when wasn't the first time I drank?" The group laughs at this.
Later, at a private outdoor session with Doctor Champ, BoJack is questioned abut whether he feels good about leaving; as his last day at the facility is tomorrow. BoJack says, he feels ready. Doctor Champ presses him further, asking if BoJack is ready to go out into the world. BoJack says he feels confident about doing so.
Doctor Champ points out to BoJack, he has a habit of deflecting, when it come to talking about the source of his addiction. BoJack then jokingly deflects by complimenting the therapy horse on his tie. Doctor Champ counters this, saying jokingly deflecting, still counts as deflecting.
BoJack then states he came to rehab to take responsibility for himself. He then says all anyone says that it's not his fault and he is powerless over his addiction. Doctor Champ says that is the first step in overcoming addiction. BoJack then questions why there are twelve steps to the program. The therapy horse then tells him they have a saying in the sober community "what our addictions want us to want, our future is just a house built from the blueprint that is our past." BoJack then says, that sayings are supposed to illustrate concepts, via straightforward allegory. He then sarcastically says that he admires Doctor Champ's sayings don't do that.
The therapy horse then points out BoJack is deflecting again. BoJack then says he came to make himself responsible for his own choices. He goes on to say nobody made him drink, that was him alone. Doctor Champ tells BoJack the gate code, saying he can leave whenever he wants, it doesn't have to be tomorrow.
In painting class, Denise compliments BoJack's painting. She says she knows a lot about art, because her husband owns a Jackson Pollock. Jameson H., then says her father owns a signed picture of Kevin Pollock. When asked by the therapy horse if he grew up in a home with a lot of art, BoJack sarcastically says, his parents "practiced the art of being terrible parents." The group once again laughs at this.
Doctor Champ tells BoJack he can't joke his way through this, and everyone else is being honest. BoJack then challenges this by saying all the other patients are lying as well. Doug continues wearing a business suit even though he won't get his finance job back, Joan Tripplehorn is really Jeanne Tripplehorn wearing fake glasses, and actor Jay Hernandez is undercover under a pseudonym for a role he is playing. Jameson then says BoJack is right, and the other clients at the rehab facility suck.
BoJack then takes a jab Jameson, saying she would love to get sober, but her friend McCaitlyn sneaks her water bottles filled with vodka every visiting day. Doctor Champ is shocked to learn Jameson has been smuggling alcohol into the facility. Jameson then blames vodka for being "water colored." BoJack then points out it's her fifth time in rehab and maybe rehab just isn't working.
BoJack further says if anyone checks into rehab more than once, maybe they are a lost cause, or maybe rehab is a money-making industry that does not have people's best interests at heart. He then asks Doctor Champ if that is honest enough for him.
Later, Jameson storms into BoJack's room, accusing him of being a snitch. She goes off on him, saying her dad forces her to be in rehab when she doesn't need to be there at all. Jameson says, he has no idea what she's been through. BoJack says, he knows what she's been through because he has heard her talk about it in group.
Her mom died of cancer, her father remarried and shipped Jameson off to boarding school, and now there is a new baby, and no one pays attention to Jameson. BoJack tells Jameson, it's not her father's fault she's drinking in rehab. Jameson protests, saying she was sober for most of last year, but her father shipped her to rehab so that she couldn't ruin his new perfect family.
BoJack tells Jameson she can escape rehab, by tying her sheets into a rope and escaping through the window, and then he gives her the pass-code to the gate. He then asks her if that's what she really wants. Jameson scoffs at this and leaves BoJack's room.
Diane then says to BoJack, that it sounds like rehab is going well. BoJack yells no, and hangs up. A drunk guy on the ground asks BoJack to give him his phone back. BoJack then asks him if he knows where Jameson went. The guy asks which Jameson he means, as there are apparently several people named Jameson. BoJack asks the guy to direct him to the nearest Jameson.
He eventually finds Jameson's house. In Jameson's house, BoJack asks her if the car is the one from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Jameson reveals her father has a love of movie memorabilia. She says the car is her father's baby, or rather was her father's baby, meaning the car is the new Jameson. Jameson then questions where does that leaves her, she concludes saying that leaves her nowhere.
BoJack then asks her what she's talking about. Jameson elaborates that her father threw out all her stuff from her room, and turned it into the baby's room. She then says he got rid of all her softball trophies, but he loves his baseball bat from the film The Natural. Jameson then takes the bat, and nearly smashes the car with it. BoJack restrains her, saying that parents are terrible, but destroying things isn't going to change things. Jameson then says he's right, and they should go back to rehab.
This flashback causes BoJack to have an epiphany. He then says screw Jameson's father. He grabs the wooden club from the First Wives Club and proceeds to smash the car. He then says, Jameson is just a kid, why should she be responsible for all the ways he screwed her up. Jameson then joins in destroying the car, saying it's not her fault she was born. They accidentally knock the car off the display stand, and it breaks the window, then rolls forward.
The window breaking wakes up Jameson's father, who comes out carrying the baby. He says the window they broke was from The Graduate. Jameson then tells her father, she didn't want to leave rehab, but BoJack made her. She then kisses the baby on the head. She then says she'll wait for her father in the car. Jameson then runs off.
BoJack then tries to explain himself to Jameson's father. Her father then asks, if BoJack is drunk or high, right at that moment. BoJack confirms he isn't. Her father then apologizes for his daughter roping BoJack into this, saying BoJack is not the first guy to break his daughter out of rehab. He says the guys break into his house and then want him to be quiet about it to the press, so they bribe him with movie memorabilia.
BoJack then offers to send a swag bag from Felicity Huffman's Booty Academy, saying he should probably wash the thong before wearing it. Jameson's father continues to say, he doesn't know what to do with Jameson, as he feels he has done everything. He then says he thought she'd change after she had her baby, gesturing towards the baby. BoJack says change is hard and takes a long time. Her father asks if Jameson wanted to see her boyfriend. BoJack says no, she just wanted to see her baby. Her father expresses how that would be nice, as the baby coos.
Her father then drops them off at rehab in the car from The Flintstones. Jameson then complains about how embarrassing her father is, and BoJack tells her she should consider herself lucky to have a father who cares so much about her well-being, saying he wishes someone had cared enough about him when he was her age and had sent him to rehab.
Jameson says they should sneak back in. As she turns around BoJack spots the bottle of vodka tucked into her hoodie. He grabs it from her saying, "seriously?" Jameson says she thought it was worth a try. Jameson says they should sneak back in and BoJack then says he is getting too old to sneak into places.
BoJack then goes to the front desk and admits he snuck out of rehab. He asks if there is a punishment like kitchen cleanup. The groundhog sarcastically says that everyone who has been in the facility before is humble enough to take a photo with him. BoJack says to sign him up for six weeks, and then finally gives in to taking the selfie.
BoJack goes up to his room and looks at the vodka filled water bottle, and sees the same galaxy from the night of Sarah Lynn's death, at the planetarium.
BoJack then asks her the name of an assistant, from twenty years ago, who he screamed at for giving him a room temperature Capri Sun and told to quit the business. He says he wonders what happened to that guy. Princess Carolyn says his name was Derrick, and she thinks he quit the business.
Princess Carolyn then asks what BoJack thinks of the name Riley for a girl. BoJack says it's no good because he slept with a Riley. He then tells Princess Carolyn that asking him about women's names, is not a good idea.
Princess Carolyn then gets another phone call from BoJack, who stole Mr. Peanutbutter's phone to make a phone call. Princess Carolyn, thinking she is talking to Mr. Peanutbutter, refers to him as her favorite client. BoJack expresses resentment at Mr. Peanutbutter being her favorite client. BoJack asks Princess Carolyn, to pick up Mr. Peanutbutter from rehab, as he came to visit on the friends and family day and now won't leave.
Princess Carolyn then arrives at Pastiches Malibu, looking for Mr. Peanutbutter. The receptionist notices Princess Carolyn's arm has poke marks from needles. She explains they are from her baby's needles. Princess Carolyn is then offered chamomile tea and meditation. She says a quick break couldn't hurt.
Princess Carolyn then changes into a Pastiches robe and falls asleep on a chair outdoors. She is awakened by BoJack, who informs her she has been asleep, for a really long time. Princess Carolyn then asks where Mr. Peanutbutter is. BoJack then says, "oh yeah, Mr. Peanutbutter."
The episode then goes back to Mr. Peanutbutter showing up at Pastiches, on the visiting day. He then runs into BoJack, who says this can not be happening. Doctor Champ shows up and asks if Mr. Peanutbutter is here for the visit day meeting. Doctor Champ says Mr. Peanutbutter is the first friend BoJack has invited.
Mr. Peanutbutter says he wasn't even aware he was invited. BoJack tries to say, he did not invite Mr. Peanutbutter, but is interrupted by Doctor Champ introducing himself to Mr. Peanutbutter. He then says he's proud of BoJack for inviting someone. They bond over the fact that they are named Mr. and Doctor. BoJack then asks if Doctor is just his name, and is he not a doctor.
Doctor Champ then gives everyone a five minute warning time to gather. Mr. Peanutbutter then tells BoJack they should find good seats. BoJack points out they are sitting in a circle, and therefore they are all good seats. In the group meeting Doug is telling a story about himself lying, stealing, and cheating. He says his wife says they can make a fresh start.
Mr. Peanutbutter interrupts and asks about the cheating, and whether Doug talked to his wife about it. Doctor Champ reminds him they don't interrupt others in group therapy. Mr. Peanutbutter says he is simply looking for more context. BoJack sarcastically says maybe Mr. Peanutbutter should go looking for it in his car. Doctor Champ then tells BoJack not to interrupt Mr. Peanutbutter, as he is sharing. BoJack protests this.
Mr. Peanutbutter goes on to say, he believes Doug should be honest with his wife so that they can both move forward. Everyone except BoJack nods in agreement. Mr. Peanutbutter then asks on the other hand, isn't it sometimes better to let sleeping dogs lie. Mr. Peanutbutter assuumes Doug's fiancee is a dog. Doug says she is his wife and she is human.
Mr. Peanutbutter says, so Doug's fiancee is named Pickles. Mr. Peanutbutter asks wouldn't telling her now cause additional pain. Doug then questions whether it is best not to tell her. Mr. Peanutbutter says that would be really convenient for Doug. Doug then starts protesting this. Mr. Peanutbutter says Doug is just trying to avoid facing the consequences of his actions. He says that's classic, stupid, selfish, inconsiderate Doug. Doug says those are harsh words he needed to hear, and thanks Mr. Peanutbutter, hugging him.
BoJack then goes and finds Mr. Peanutbutter, and tells him he doesn't know what's going on with him, though he is sure either he or Doug cheated on Pickles. BoJack says he understands what it's like to have guilt bottled up inside you, and not burden other people with it. He goes on to say you think you are protecting them, but it comes out in other ways, and it infects everything. Mr. Peanutbutter asks if there is a bar because he needs a drink. BoJack tells him no, it's rehab.
He then reveals to Princess Carolyn, all this happened two days ago. She looks shocked, having completely forgotten about the gala and her daughter. She leaves Pastiches and calls Todd, who reassures her the baby is fine, and with him.
In Feel-Good Story, BoJack is narrating a letter to Diane. BoJack (as a voice-over) tells about a woman at Pastiches, named Beverly, who stole his snack kit. BoJack explains they build their snack kits as a team-building exercise, for their morning hikes. BoJack says he put an extra bag of candied nuts in the snack pack. BoJack says he even labeled them with his initials so that everybody would know they were his.
BoJack says he's not even sure if he'll send the letter. He says if Diane is reading it he guesses that means he sent it.
BoJack then says Beverly saw the 'B' and assumed it was for her, thinking she had a secret admirer, and the 'B' stood for Beverly. BoJack then says he should never expect anything nice, such as an extra bag of candied nuts. BoJack then asks Diane what's new with her. He then says he's just kidding, and he knows she can't answer since this is a letter.
BoJack continues the story of Beverly stealing his snack kits. He says Beverly thought the initials "BH" stood for Beverly here you go. BoJack sys Beverly can't even eat the nuts, because she's allergic, and she usually just ends up giving them to BoJack. BoJack then says Doctor Champ would say it means something, that the universe has a way of looking out for us. BoJack finally concludes it is working for him. He says he hopes everything is working out for Diane too.
BoJack says it was Beverly's last day. He talks about how everyone was really excited for her, but Beverly was really disappointed, in never finding out who her secret admirer was. BoJack finally admits Beverly's "secret admirer" was him.
Beverly is disappointed at this, as she was hoping it was Mario, and everybody else made BoJack feel guilty fir making Beverly cry on her last day. This causes BoJack to wonder if it was worth it to keep Beverly happy for a little bit, even though it ended up being sad. He then wonders if it would have been better, if the whole thing never happened, to begin with.
BoJack continues to say, every time someone leaves rehab, it makes you think about your own progress. He says some days he feels like he is not progressing at all, and other days only a little. He then goes on to say how he feels stupid, for not doing this sooner. BoJack says he wasted so many years being miserable, because he assumed that was the only way to be, and he doesn't want to do that anymore. He also asks is he crazy, or has he gotten really good at writing letters.
In Surprise!, Diane goes to Pastiches to visit BoJack. The groundhog receptionist tells her she is too late, because BoJack has gone to a party for the evening. He gives her the address. Diane then expresses concern, that BoJack might have gone to a party with alcohol. The groundhog explains it is a lame party without alcohol, and BoJack was sent with a trained sober companion, who will keep him out of trouble.
At Mr. Peanutbutter and Pickles' house, BoJack introduces Eduardo the sober companion to Mrs. Captain Peanutbutter and Captain Peanutbutter. He explains Eduardo is here to keep him out of trouble. Captain Peanutbutter asks if Eduardo is one of those fainting goats. Eduardo laughs and says only if he panics.
BoJack interjects that nothing makes Eduardo panic, because he is a trained sober companion. Captain Peanutbutter then starts talking about what makes him panic. He then says he is most of the time, he is an ocean-levels-rising guy. However, sometimes he likes to dwell on the fact, that there will always be invisible walls between himself, and those who claim to know him.
When everybody goes and finds their hiding places, Eduardo winds up being locked in the thunder room and faints. At the end of the episode, he is carried out of the house and taken back to Pastiches by BoJack.
In A Little Uneven, Is All, BoJack is telling a story to Doctor Champ about Danny Bananas and Sharona. Doctor Champ tells him he has already heard that story. BoJack brings up other events from his life and Doctor Champ has heard those too. He then reveals it's been six months since BoJack came to rehab and it's time for him to go home.
At rehab, there is a going-away party for Denise, one of the patients. Everyone is eating toast, and BoJack says he wants to give a non-alcoholic toast to Denise. He then talks about other patients like Jameson or Doug, and everyone else is confused about who he's talking about. BoJack then realizes he and Denise are the only ones out of their original group who are still at the facility. BoJack then says they had some good times together. Denise says it was mostly not that great. BoJack then asks if she's ready to go. Denise sadly says she's ready to go.
Doctor Champ then asks BoJack, if he thought about what they talked about yesterday about BoJack leaving Pastiches. BoJack says things are kind of working for him. He says he's staying out of trouble, he's got the fancy room, and finally perfected his omelet order. He says the secret to a good omelet is the egg yellows. BoJack then goes on to tell Doctor Champ he might do another six weeks.
Doctor Champ reminds BoJack he has already re-upped three times. Doctor Champ explains this place is for people in crisis. Doctor Champ tells BoJack that it's perfectly natural for him to be terrified. He tells his own personal experience of being terrified of leaving rehab. He says he knew even the smallest drop of alcohol would send him spiraling back into addiction. BoJack then sarcastically says Doctor Champ did end up back in rehab. Doctor Champ then says he'll miss their comedy routines. Doctor Champ says he looks at a lot of cases, like Denise, who he thinks aren't going to make it. He says BoJack is a special case, because he's done the work, and he's ready.
BoJack has a cardboard box of his belongings, and his duffle bag in hand, as he walks out of his bedroom. He smiles at Sobby Bobby and says he'll miss his excessive crying. BoJack then stops by the vending machine for a bag of Funyuns. BoJack then takes a deep breath of fresh air as he steps outside Pastiches.
BoJack then spots the Paparazzi outside of the building. BoJack thinks they are here to see him, and says he's not ashamed he went to rehab. They tell him he's blocking the door, and they want to get a clear shot of Gen Z pop superstar and fashion disrupter Joey Pogo. BoJack questions this. The paparazzi birds tell him Joey is checking into the fancy room. The words "fancy room" cause BoJack to have a series of flashbacks in his head, he questions what do they all mean.
The blue jay tells him, it sounds like they are kicking him out, to make room for Joey Pogo. BoJack then hears an echo of what the paparazzi bird just told him in his head. BoJack then says out loud it sounds like they are kicking him out to make room for Joey Pogo.
BoJack then runs up the hill with all his belongings, to where Doctor Champ is in the middle of a session, with a patient named Brad. He jumps over the low fence, spilling the contents of his duffle bag and box to the ground in the process. BoJack starts panting, trying to catch his breath, saying playtime is over. Brad tells BoJack he is disrupting his therapy session with Doctor Champ. BoJack then angrily points at Brad and tells him to shut up. He says everyone knows the source of Brad's addiction, is that he wanted to impress his old babysitter, who stole beer from his parents' fridge. He says she's dead, and Brad is free. Brad then breathes heavily.
BoJack tries to say something, but he can't as he is out of breath. Brad then questions what BoJack is doing, and Doctor Champ believes he is trying to get out a zinger, he then says they should probably let him finish. BoJack then says it's only funny if it feels extemporaneous. Brad tells him to just say the thing, and not waste so much time setting up. BoJack then tells them to check this out. He finally says, "BoHo go bye-bye for JoJo Pogo? That's a no go, bro." BoJack then faints, lifts his head up, and says "Worth it" with a raspy voice.
At Pastiches, BoJack is one again packing his belongings in his room. Doctor Champ walks in, and asks what happened and why BoJack is packing his things backward. Doctor Champ then starts assisting in BoJack's packing. He says Doctor Champ gave him a whole spiel when in reality he was trying to get rid of him to make room for a new high profile client. Doctor Champ then says he thought they had made strides with BoJack's jealously issues and corrects his pronunciation of the word "spiel." BoJack swears he has seen it written out the way he originally said it.
Joey Pogo opens the door and peeks his head in. He says thinks the way the word is spelled, versus the way it's pronounced, are different. BoJack stands with his arms crossed and tells Joey not now. Joey then apologizes, asking if he's interrupting something, and he was informed he would be in the fancy room. Doctor Champ tells Joey to come back tomorrow, as they are rearranging some things.
Joey says tomorrow is jammed because he is shooting a video for his new single, titled "Lace Up." He says it is sponsored content for his collaboration with Mister Pibb. He asks if they could just "do rehab," right now and quickly. BoJack says one can not just "do rehab quickly," that's not how it works. Doctor Champ then gives him a condensed version of rehab: "life is precious, God is religious or merely the idea of human connection. Don't do drugs. Say you're sorry." Joey tells him that is powerful stuff, and he has found a new lease on life. He then says Doctor Champ should stay cool and thanks.
BoJack says that's the problem when things are said in rehab, it's much easier, whereas in the real world things are harder and confusing. Doctor Champ reminds him of all his friends waiting for him, saying BoJack is not alone, and he has a wonderful support system. Doctor Champ states that BoJack's friends will love him as much as he loves them. BoJack clenches his fist and groans uncomfortably at this.
Casey explains, Todd said she'd be ideal, because he could be mean to her, and he wouldn't have to feel bad because that's what she's getting paid for. She says she is flexible and can make herself into whatever BoJack needs.
Casey picks the vodka-filled water bottle and asks for a sip. BoJack stops her, and snatches it away, telling her not to drink it. She then says she must earn hydration, and apologizes. BoJack explains the bottle is filled with vodka. She asks with concern if he thinks it's a good idea, to keep vodka in rehab. She then smiles and says it is a good idea if BoJack thinks it is.
He explains it's not for drinking, he keeps it as a reminder. Casey asks what it is supposed to be a reminder of.
He then tells Casey that he keeps it, because he thinks he's special and the rules don't apply to him, and he keeps thinking that repeatedly. Casey cheerily tells him that he is special. BoJack tells her he's terrible, and that all her past bosses are terrible.
He says she soothes their egos and lets them abuse her. Casey takes a step back and says she's terrible. BoJack tells her that's not his point, he then harshly tells her to have some respect for herself. She sheepishly apologizes and says she's just happy to be a part of things. BoJack then tells her that's how they get you. He then apologizes and says it's not her fault. He then asks her to get him Funyuns, but she refuses and walks out while texting on her phone. BoJack says he likes her energy but doesn't understand what's happening.
At Pastiches, Doctor Champ finds BoJack hiding under the covers, in his room. He begs Doctor Champ to let him stay, saying he doesn't know what he's like in the real world. Doctor Champ harshly says he won't coddle this anymore. He says if BoJack is scared, that is good. He should go to AA meetings and a psychiatrist. Doctor Champ says he is angry at the fact that BoJack is taking a bed, that could help someone else.
BoJack asks if he could stay there indefinitely. Dr. Champ says he's not that special, and once again commands him to pack his things. BoJack angrily clenches his fists, and sniffs the water bottle, he takes a sip and spits it out, coming back to his senses. He asks himself what he's doing, and he throws the bottle out the window, and it lands in a crate of identical water bottles from a delivery.
BoJack runs down to the front desk, into the art class, and tells everyone not to drink the water from the bottles. Doctor Champ finishes his bottle.
The episode ends with BoJack saying he's screwed. Doctor Champ is awake and tells BoJack they need to be very quiet, as no one can find out he's drunk. BoJack agrees with this. Doctor Champ then asks BoJack not to leave him, as he doesn't want to be alone in his current condition, and BoJack says he'll stay with him. Doctor Champ repeats he needs to stay.
In The Kidney Stays in the Picture, at Pastiches, Doctor Champ is passed out from being hungover, in BoJack's bed from the previous episode. He looks at BoJack and asks if he really drank last night. BoJack apologizes. Doctor Champ asks BoJack if anyone saw him, as BoJack was with him all night. Doctor Champ tells BoJack nobody can know about this. He then frantically states there are twenty struggling addicts who are counting on him. BoJack agrees and says of course. He is going to go home and take a shower. He questions how he'll get out without anyone seeing him.
Doctor Champ is then seen climbing out the window, with a rope made from bedsheets. He swings from the rope and BoJack tells him not to, and Doctor Champ falls on top of him, and then thanks BoJack for being there to catch him. He then runs to his van and drives off and BoJack stands there watching him.
At Pastiches BoJack is walking out of his room, with his belongings. He says goodbye to everyone and everything, and heads outside, where a Cabaracadabra driver is waiting for him. The driver asks him where he wants to go, and he tells her he guesses he wants to go home. They then leave the facility. They drive by Bellicans and BoJack recognizes Doctor Champ's van. He asks the driver to stop there.
BoJack then finds Doctor Champ who is at the bar having a drink. BoJack runs over to him and asks what Doctor Champ is doing. Doctor Champ says he is unsure about the whole mood of never having a drop of alcohol again. He then asks whatever happened to moderation. BoJack then asks Doctor Champ, if that's the case, why did he pay for the guiding philosophy of rehab for the last six months.
Doctor Champ responds that BoJack should do what works for him. Doctor Champ asks for the check and the bartender hands him the check. Doctor Champ then says it's a figure of speech and he doesn't actually want the check. Doctor Champ then asks for another margarita, while BoJack stares at him.
At Bellicans, BoJack orders a club soda, and Doctor Champ calls him a nerd. BoJack then asks Doctor Champ what his plan is. Doctor Champ says he will drink enough to be steady. He then says BoJack can take him back to Pastiches and keep him out of trouble and that way BoJack won't have to go home. Doctor Champ continues on to say he can be a good therapy horse, all his clients will get sober, and he is a winner, and his picture will be on magazines.
BoJack tells Doctor Champ he can't let him go back to Pastiches drunk. Doctor Champ then retorts that BoJack doesn't care about him. He gestures towards BoJack and tells him he is actually scared of himself. Doctor Champ starts walking away saying he can't help anyone else unless he is honest with himself. He then asks BoJack if he knows what he means and BoJack says he never knows what Doctor Champ means.
BoJack then says maybe he wouldn't have been so scared if Dr. Champ had actually given him real therapy, over the last six months, instead of folksy aphorisms. Doctor Champ defensively says he's not a therapist but a therapy horse, a subtle but legally important distinction. He then goes on to say he knows BoJack would not accept real therapy from him anyway.
BoJack then asks why he thinks that is. Doctor Champ says it's because he's a horse, and therefore he reminds him of his father, and therefore he simultaneously resents him and craves approval from him. Doctor Champ starts talking about what would happen if he did get said approval. BoJack interjects saying that he would dismiss it immediately and then use it as an excuse to resent Doctor Champ even more. He then asks Doctor Champ what his point is.
Doctor Champ tells BoJack his point is that he is stunted from being able having healthy relationships with other horses. BoJack counters if that were true he would have no other horses in his life. Doctor Champ then points out BoJack's loved ones and friends are mostly dogs, humans, or cats. BoJack then asks what about the one horse he does care about, his half-sister Hollyhock, who is also a reminder of his father. Doctor Champ tells BoJack, Hollyhock reminds him of the one horse he hates the most, himself.
BoJack finally says Doctor Champ got him figured out, his parents gave him an internalized self-hatred of horses, and his horse body is a prison he can never escape from. BoJack then says this manifests in rotten behavior because he subconsciously believes he deserves to be punished, but being famous he is never punished and therefore he acts out more. BoJack then says that since this pattern is so woven into his identity, it is unfathomable it can ever be curbed, so instead, he drinks.
BoJack continues on to say the only way he can progress is to return to life as a sober man and finally hold himself accountable for his actions, past, and future. BoJack then raises his hands in the air and asks if this is what therapy is. Doctor Champ who has fallen asleep at the booth, asks why people keep bringing him checks. BoJack then looks at Doctor Champ, who has his head on the table and says his name.
Doctor Champ wakes up and questions where he is. BoJack tells him he's at Partridges, another rehab facility. Doctor Champ asks what about Pastiches and BoJack says he already informed them he's checking him Partridges. Doctor Champ asks why BoJack did that, saying the patients of Pastiches need him to be an example of success. BoJack then tells him he can't help anybody unless he is honest with himself first. BoJack then says a wise man once told him that.
Doctor Champ asks what wise man. BoJack tells him Doctor Champ it was him. Doctor Champ retorts that BoJack shouldn't listen to him because he's a drunk. BoJack says the first step is admitting it. Doctor Champ tells BoJack he has destroyed him, and he can never go back to Pastiches now. Doctor Champ says his husband will leave him, as he promised to never drink again after what happened with their daughter.
BoJack asks what happened with his daughter, but instead of answering Doctor Champ tells him he knows nothing about his life. Doctor Champ reminds BoJack the only reason he got drunk in the first place was because of his contraband vodka. BoJack does admit that's technically true. Doctor Champ says, of course, BoJack did this to him because Doctor Champ cared about him and BoJack ruins people who care about him. BoJack wishes him best of luck and Doctor Champ tells him to remember what he did to him. BoJack solemnly says he remembers everything because he is sober now.
BoJack leaves Partridges and gets a ride home from a Cabaracadbra driver. The episode ends with him unlocking the front door to his house.
- Pastiches is likely a parody of Passages Malibu, a real-life rehab facility that has hosted multiple celebrity clients.
- The real-life logo and building exterior look very similar to Pastiches.
- The sign outside the facility has the slogan "COME IN HIGH, COME OUT DRY."
- Sarah Lynn's selfie with the receptionist is seen on the corkboard at the front desk in A Horse Walks into a Rehab, revealing she also spent time at the facility.
- There is another identical-looking rehab facility next to it called Partridges, as revealed in The Kidney Stays in the Picture.