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These are the quotes said by Lenny Turteltaub.

Season 1[]


Season 2[]

Brand New Couch[]

Lenny: Hey, Diane, you're a writer, aren't you?
Diane: Yes. Yes. I am a writer. What do you need?
Lenny: Can you write on a sign, "watch out for cable?" I know you were telling people, but it's a really important job and a sign is less likely to get distracted.

The Shot[]

Lenny:(to BoJack) Kid, "warts and all" don't pay bubkes. That's why they took the gay stuff out of A Beautiful Mind. Know that guy who spent twelve years as a slave? They don't talk about the sixty years he spent as a jerk.
BoJack: Kelsey, you're okay with this?
Kelsey: Eh...That's showbiz.
Lenny: See, BoJack, that's the shrug of a pro who gets it. Good shrugging, kid.

Out to Sea[]

Lenny: (to BoJack) Well, if it isn't the furshlugginer putz who cost me fifty grand.




Season 3[]



Season 4[]


Thoughts and Prayers[]

Lenny Turtletaub: I am sick and tired of real-life gun violence getting in the way of us telling stories that glamorize gun violence. Why does this keep happening? Has the whole world gone crazy?

Lovin that cali lifestyle!![]

Lenny: Eh, we can't go in without a big name. TV pitching is like the Israeli flag, it's nothing without a big star. Sorry, Princess Carolyn.


Season 5[]


Season 6[]

The Kidney Stays in the Picture[]

[Lenny Turteltaub meets with the assistants in the VIM conference to negotiate their terms.]

Lenny: All right you little pishers. [He sits down in a chair.] Let's wrap this up quick so you can all go back this up quick so you can all go back to getting me wrong coffees. [Lenny smokes his cigar] What do you want?

Casey: [Cheerily] We have one request. To not be treated like garbage. [Casey shrugs and smiles]

Lenny: It appears we are at an impasse. [Lenny slams cigar down on ash tray]


[Lenny and Princess Carolyn meet in her office to discuss the assistant strike. Princess Carolyn is seated at her desk.]

Lenny: Princess Carolyn, this is a catastrophe.

Princess Carolyn: You know it. [She swipes a pile of papers off her desk and into a bin on the floor]

Lenny: This strike has shut down the whole city! Assistants want respect? If we respect them, how are we supposed to work through our rage issues? On our spouses and children? That doesn't seem fair.

Princess Carolyn: There's gotta be a better way! [she swipes more papers off her desk] [excitedly coming to a realization] Ugh, maybe we could circumvent giving the assistants what they want by giving them what they think they want. You know like how we satiate TV creators by giving them little vanity cards at the end of episodes, then sell the episodes to auto-skip the end credits so no one even sees the vanity cards.

Lenny: [smiling] Yeah, yeah that's good. But what do assistants want? iTunes gift cards? Amazon gift cards? I honestly can't think of another thing an assistant would want. [shrugs]

Princess Carolyn: When I was an assistant all I wanted was not to be an assistant anymore.

Lenny: Princess Carolyn, I'll say to you what I'll say to what I said to David Levy when were developing The Adams Family and brainstorming ancillary characters, like cousins and whatnot: That's it!

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