BoJack Horseman Wiki

These are the quotes said by Judah Mannowdog.

Season 3[]

Start Spreading The News[]

Judah: I put everything bill-related in one folder.

Princess Carolyn: Great

Judah: Gas bill, cable bill, and the new headshots for Billy Zane.

Princess Carolyn: Thank you, Judah.

Judah: You also wanted me to remind you to call Mr.Peanutbutter.

Princess Carolyn: Yeah. Ping me again in two minutes? No, five minutes. Uh, when's our call with BoJack and Spanakopita?

Judah: The one that started seven minutes ago? It started seven minutes ago.

Princess Carolyn: What?

Judah: Diane's in your office right now, stalling, poorly.

J.D. Salinger: Goodbye. Hello to you, Rasputin. Give my regards to the czar.

Judah: I will relay the message.

Princess Carolyn: Oh, I don't know why I thought I could do this. I'm drowning, and cats hate drowning.

Judah: If I may, I believe I can take on more responsibility around here. On a provisional basis, of course.

Princess Carolyn: Okay.

Judah: But we're a small agency and we need to think like one. Instead of spreading ourselves thinner, we should be focusing on better gigs for the clients we already have.

Princess Carolyn: Oh. Like Jerry Maguire.

Judah: Yes. What part of Jerry Maguire?

Princess Carolyn: The part where Tom Cruise's agent got him a massive payday for being in Jerry Maguire.

Love And/Or Marriage[]

Judah: I settled on a company dental plan. It's called, "The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth." Seemed comprehensive.

Princess Carolyn: Not "tooth" shabby, Judah. (LAUGHING)

Judah: Yes. I also wanted to talk to you, if this is a good time, and it is, because you have exactly nine minutes before your meeting on Captain Hooker 2: Yo Ho Ho Ho and A Bottle Of Booty.

Princess Carolyn: Yeah, what's up?

Judah: As you know, I've taken on duties beyond the scope of my original contract. I think I've proven my worth.

Princess Carolyn: Are you asking for a raise?

Judah: A more elegant solution might involve an ownership position in the company. I thought I'd ask for fifteen percent stake, you'd counter with five, and we'd settle on ten.

Princess Carolyn: Well, then, it's settled.

Judah: I'll draw up the paperwork. Speaking of paper, Piper Perabo and Pauley Perrette need to push back the pitch on the Princess and the Pauper project. You have a night off tonight.

Princess Carolyn: A night off? When's the last time that happened?

Judah: It hasn't. Can I help you with anything else?

Princess Carolyn: Yeah, you can. Get me a date for tonight. Actually, make that three dates. Who knows when I'll get another night off?

Judah: I do. And you won't.

Princess Carolyn: (SIGHS)

Judah: Princess Carolyn, I made reservations for you tonight at Elefante.

Princess Carolyn: Reservations?

Judah: For your dates. You've got one at seven, one at 8:30, and one at ten.

Princess Carolyn: You actually got me three dates? I was joking.

Judah: I'm sorry. I sometimes have trouble reading tone. One time I spent 45 minutes at a fascinating lecture at the Apollo Theater before I realized it was a comedy routine.

Princess Carolyn: I can't go on three dates. Can we reschedule two of them?

Judah: It's going to be a long time before you get another night off. Especially since you have those lawyers coming next week to change the light bulbs. (Pause) Okay, I just realized now that was also a joke.

Princess Carolyn: Oh. Why were you working in the dark?

Judah: Oh, I guess it got dark. I didn't notice. How were your dates?

Princess Carolyn: (SIGHS) Pointless.

Judah: Yes, most dates are. Well, I've prepared our agreement. Look it over, and sign it at your leisure.

Princess Carolyn: I don't have any leisure.

Judah: While you're signing, I have a stack of holiday cards for the staff. I took the liberty of writing little personal messages to everyone on your behalf.

Princess Carolyn: Thank you.

Judah: Mm-hmm.

Old Acquaintance[]

BoJack: Hey man, loved you in The Caveman's Valentine.

Judah: Hmm?

BoJack: Nothing? The Caveman's Valentine? Samuel L. Jackson had that big beard? Look it up. When you start laughing, call me.

Judah: Will do.

Judah: So you're talking about a merger?

Charley Witherspoon: Since my dad croaked I've been running Vigor myself, and I've been doing a pretty good job, A-minus/B-plus. But I could use a few more experienced hands to help guide the ship, because being a boss is really hard.

Judah: Yes. Princess Carolyn can be a proud woman. I'm glad you came to me first.

Charley: I would have gone to her directly, but sometimes she yells at me and I do not like being yelled at and that is just something that people need to understand about me.

Judah: I'll talk to her when the time is right.

Laura: (phone) Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I pulled some strings and you're in.

Princess Carolyn: I always knew you were a superstar. Let's get drinks in the new year and work out the deets. That's a fast way of saying details for people who don't have time for every detail of the word details.

Judah: Vanessa Gekko on line two.

Princess Carolyn: Great, put that raggedy-ass bitch on. I'm gonna bat her around like a ball of foil.

Judah: I know you're excited, but we are still in a very precarious position, and I wonder if foil-ball-batting is the best tack here.

Princess Carolyn: Judah, this is where I live. Watch and learn.

Judah: Oh, good, you're still here. I wanted to get a head start on the 2016 budget.

Princess Carolyn: Oh

Judah: It's going to be a challenge, but assuming BoJack books Pegasus

Princess Carolyn: BoJack didn't book Pegasus.

Judah: Oh, So he's doing the jellybean movie?

Princess Carolyn: No, That fell apart, too.

Judah: Well then.. We're gonna have to cut some costs. Our social media division is..  strikes me as a luxury we can no longer afford. But if things don't perk up the first quarter, we might be looking at broader layoffs.

Princess Carolyn: Jesus Judah! Do you ever read a room?

Judah: I'm sorry, is this a bad time?

Princess Carolyn: Is midnight on New Year's a bad time? I don't know. Why don't you run that through your robot analysis protocol, and get back to me once you've assessed the data?

Judah: I am not a robot. I am a human being.

Princess Carolyn: You want to make some cuts? Why don't you cut that stupid beard? Everyone who walks in here thinks this place is run by a homeless person.

Judah: I apologize if my appearance or demeanor is unprofessional.

Princess Carolyn: No, you're perfect. Everybody's perfect except for me. Just go home, Judah.

Judah: Would you like me to shave the beard or?

Princess Carolyn: Just go home, Judah.

Judah: Happy New Year, Princess Carolyn.

It's You[]

Judah: Losing BoJack was a blow. There's no way to sugarcoat it, even if I were generally good at sugarcoating things, which I'm not.

Princess Carolyn: You know, I wish cats really did have nine lives. It would make me feel better about how much I'm screwing up this one.

Judah: You're not screwing up your life.

Princess Carolyn: Sometimes I feel like, if I could start everything over, knowing what I know now, I'd do it all right this time. But other times I thinkNo, I wouldn't.

Judah: As a partner in the company, I am prepared to forgo my salary for the next three months, but even then, we're going to need some sort of miracle.

Princess Carolyn: What are we doing? What was the point of any of this? I wasted everyone's time for six months. Soon, I'll get some offer from one of the big five agencies that I can't say no to, and I'll go back to being another cog in the giant Play-Doh spaghetti maker that is this industry. Is that the best I can hope for?

Judah: Not necessarily. Although, there is one thing I should probably mention.

Princess Carolyn: What is it, Judah?

Judah: Maybe this is an opportunity to live one of your other eight lives.

Princess Carolyn: Yeah, maybe. It's been a pleasure working with you, Judah.

Judah: I found it to be an above-average experience. Please forgive me for getting emotional.

That Went Well[]

Princess Carolyn: [sighs]

Judah: Welcome back. Your first meeting's at 10:00, and you have a lunch at 11:30.

Princess Carolyn: Thank you, Judah.

Judah: Also, I have someone on line two trying to get in touch with BoJack Horseman. I have no idea how she got this number. It sounds like it's a teenage girl.

Princess Carolyn: Tell her I don't work for BoJack.

Judah: Mm-hmm. I'm sorry. We can't help you.

Season 4[]

See Mr. Peanutbutter Run[]

Mr.Peanutbutter: Judah! Can I get your John Wilkes Hancock?

Judah: Oh, I never developed a signature. I find them unnecessarily ostentatious. But I can print my name legibly.

Katrina: Thank you, Rain Man-bun. That'll do nicely.

Judah: Okay.

Princess Carolyn: [GROANING]

Judah: Ralph dropped this off for you.

Princess Carolyn: "I always make a beeline to see my feline." Aww!

Judah: Also, you wanted me to remind you about FX's American Dead Girl miniseries.

Princess Carolyn: Oh, that's right! What train wreck are we rubbernecking at this year?

Judah: They're doing the Sarah Lynn story and they're looking for someone to play BoJack.

Princess Carolyn: Oh! [RETCHING, COUGHING]

Judah: Well, as I was saying, FX is looking for a BoJack Horseman

Princess Carolyn: [RETCHING, CLEARING THROAT] Ugh!

Judah: Horseman Ho

Princess Carolyn: [RETCHING] [MOANING]

Judah: So, as we discussed earlier, is this one of the moments where you would want privacy?

Stupid Piece of Sh*t[]

Judah: I have terrible news. It's Meryl Streep.

Rutabaga: Did Meryl Streep die?

Judah: No, she's retiring.

Rutabaga: Mr.McGregor!

Princess Carolyn: You cannot just walk into a room and say, "I have terrible news about Meryl Streep."

Judah: Her retirement party is scheduled for this Saturday. All of Hollywoo will be attending.

Princess Carolyn: Ah!

Judah: If you'd like to never see him again, I have ways of getting rid of him.

Princess Carolyn: What kind of ways?

Judah: Asking him politely to not come back. Actually, that's only one way. I apologize for misleading you about the number of ways.

Princess Carolyn: He's a jerk, right? It's not just me?

Judah: I worked with guys like him at F.M.E. When I left, I swore I would never work at a big agency again, because I can't work with people like that.

Princess Carolyn: You don't think I'm like that?

Judah: No, because you care about people other than yourself. And for what it's worth, you will be a wonderful mother.

Princess Carolyn: You're not just saying that?

Judah: I never just say anything. I choose words very carefully, with an eye towards precision and expediency. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that.

Princess Carolyn: Good night, Judah.

Judah: Mm-hmm.

Ruthie (episode)[]

Princess Carolyn: You look tired, "Veronica."

Vanessa Gekko: Oh, I

Judah: Amazing burn, Princess Carolyn.

Judah: Sorry you got fired. Here's a latte.

Princess Carolyn: Oh, uh

Judah: It's decaf, ma'am.

Princess Carolyn: Thanks, Judah. You know, one year ago, a setback like this would have really spun me out. But I don't need Courtney. Every time we fall, we get back up stronger and better than ever. Can I get a hallelujah?

Judah: Is that a sort of pressed juice? I'll have one hallelujah on your desk by 12:45.

Princess Carolyn: Great. What's next?

Judah: I noticed your necklace was broken, so I pushed back your [doctor's] appointment and found a reputable jeweler nearby.

Princess Carolyn: Don't know what I'd do without you, my hairy number two! Oh, God, I'm sorry. That came out horribly.

Judah: Not to speak above my station, but perhaps it would behoove us to entice BoJack Horseman back into our stable.

Princess Carolyn: Ugh!

Judah: I'm sorry, ma'am. "Stable" and "behoove" were poor word choices. I was not trying to engage in punnery during business hours, but we've received fifteen more inquiries about BoJack just this morning, and I don't think it's wise to look a.. gift opportunity in the mouth.

Princess Carolyn: BoJack is off the table. We're a small management company. We just need to focus on the clients we have.

Judah: You know best.

Judah: First quarter, second quarter. Wow, that's a lot of quarters. Oh, excuse me. Hello.

Princess Carolyn: Judah, you'll never guess who I just ran into.

Judah: No, I won't. Very astute, ma'am.

Princess Carolyn: It was Charley Witherspoon!

Judah: Mm-hmm.

Princess Carolyn: How does that make you feel?

Judah: That very short story makes me feel nothing. but I don't think it's your fault as a storyteller. I often have trouble engaging with narratives.

Judah: Oh, I didn't realize you were still here. Do you need anything else before I go?

Princess Carolyn: No. Thank you.

Judah: Should you be drinking that?

Princess Carolyn: You don't always know what's best for me, Judah.

Judah: Is everything okay, Princess Carolyn?

Princess Carolyn: Charley Witherspoon made you an offer to buy VIM, and you went over my head and turned him down without telling me.

Judah: Oh.

Princess Carolyn: So it's true. You lied to me.

Judah: Yes.

Princess Carolyn: Because you didn't want to work at a big agency.

Judah: er

Princess Carolyn: You don't fit in with other people.

Judah: I

Princess Carolyn: You're weird, so you'd rather stay here where you have all the power.

Judah: No, Princess Carolyn

Princess Carolyn: So you lied to me, and you made me look like an idiot!

Judah: I was trying to protect you. I knew if you heard an offer, you'd feel like you had to say yes.

Princess Carolyn: I don't need you to protect me.

Judah: But if you had time, you could decide what to do next on your own terms, which you did.

Princess Carolyn: Well, that's not your decision to make.

Judah: Princess Carolyn, I understand you're upset. And perhaps your emotions

Princess Carolyn: No. If I can't trust you, then I can't work with you. You're fired.

Judah: [SIGHS] Thank you for my time here, Princess Carolyn. It's been very pleasurable. Until now. This part is.. Sad. Don't forget, you have reservations at 8:00.

Princess Carolyn: Thank you, Judah.

Judah: Good night Princess Carolyn.

Season 6[]

Angela []

Judah: I love you Princess Carolyn.