BoJack Horseman Wiki

These are quotes said by Joseph Sugarman throughout the BoJack Horseman series.


  • Ah, that would be a dream, but who else but I will make sure the numbers add up, and compliment my secretary on her tight sweaters?

  • Alright, believe it or not, time's arrow neither stays still nor reverses. It merely marches foreword.

  • Honey Sugarman, how did such a sweet face end up with such a smart mouth?

  • Well, that half you can keep!

  • Oh darling, it’ll always be here. Just like polio and blackface.

  • He’s gone, Honey. Even Blinky couldn’t have stopped that Nazi’s bullet.

  • If anyone’s to blame its the Jews for peeving off Hitler so bad!

  • Come on, let’s head home. There’s only ghosts here in the winter.

  • Well, I’d love to stay but I must be going. As a modern American man, I am woefully unprepared to manage a woman’s emotions. I was never taught, and I will not learn. Take care you two!

  • What were you thinking?! Hoofing around on the dance floor like a motorized freckle! Did you snap your cap?!

  • And that’s before even mentioning poor Beatrice! Are you aiming to get her killed as well?! She’s all we’ve got!

  • How am I supposed to sell sugar and keep my secretary’s self esteem afloat when you’re having honest to goodness fits of hysteria?!

  • She just let her womanly emotions get the better of her that’s all. Nothing a little operation couldn’t fix.

  • What’s broken in the heart can never be repaired, but the brain, well, we have all sorts of science for the brain! She’s a brand new woman now, and she’ll like to meet you very much.

  • I don't care if you're scared of Clemilia Bloodsworth and her gaggle, you have to go to school. Now stop making books your friends! Reading does nothing for young women but build their brains which takes away valuable resources from their breasts and hips.

  • Now listen here! It’s a mother’s duty to keep her children alive, and you are continually failing! How could you not have known she has scarlet fever?! (Starts shaking Honey) Say something dammit! What has become of you?! (Lets go of Honey) I swear if I’d known this is how you’d behave once we’d severed the connections to your prefrontal cortex, I’d hardly have bothered.

  • In fact some good may yet come of this. Doctor says your throat is nearly swollen shut! So perhaps you’ll finally lose some of that weight that’s been giving you such troubles! Won’t that be nice?

  • Corbin's father, Mort Creamerman, is the founder of Creamerman's Creamy Cream-Based Commodities. Think of all the free ice cream you could uh..serve to other people! 

  • Well I suppose I do have a few ideas of how a Sugarman-Creamerman alliance might be advantageous. For example imagine a television advertisement with a fun jingle! (Sings and does a little dance) Have your morning coffee or tea with Sugarman or Creamerman but save some fellas! And then it's Mort and me and we're holding up our products with big smiles from across a very ordinary looking kitchen table!

  • You know I sent you to Barnard to get your MRS from a fine upstanding Colombian man, but instead of a bachelor you returned home with a bachelors degree! And a mouth full of sass! What a waste!

  • I don't give a damn where your interests lie! (Slams door)...After the disappearance that you pulled at your own party you're lucky I don't fill up a jar with jellied beans and marry you off to the man who can closest estimate the amount!

  • Beatrice, remember what we say about crying...crying is stupid!

  • But darling, they have to. Your sickness has infected everything... It must all be destroyed for your own good!

  • Yes, especially your baby! (Takes Beatrice’s baby doll and tosses it into the fireplace) See, doesn’t that feel better?

  • Come on now, be strong. You can’t let your womanly emotions consume you! You don’t want to end up like your mother now, do you?

  • I promise, one day this will all be a pleasant memory.