BoJack Horseman Wiki

These are all the quotes from Diane Nguyen

Season 1[]

BoJack Hates the Troops[]

BoJack: Well, get out of here. My memoirist is gonna show up soon, and I don't need you—What's your name?

Pam: Pam.

BoJack: I don't need you Pamm-ing up the place when she gets here.

Diane: Hey, BoJack.

BoJack: Ah! Why are you here?

Diane: You told me to come at nine.

BoJack: That doesn't sound like me.

Diane: I have your email right here. "Diane, why don't you come over Tuesday morning at nine? Also, you should bring this email with you, because I might not remember it, because I just took a bunch of horse tranquilizers, ha-ha. Also, please don't put in my book that I use horse tranquilizers, ha-ha. I just use a small dose to help me fall asleep at night and then a much, much larger dose to get me through the day. Also, I'm drunk. Also, I'm alone, so alone, so, so alone. Please don't put that in my book, book, book, book—'em, dildo. Does it taste like magenta in here?" Then I think you fell asleep on the keyboard because it just says the letter "b" twenty-seven times.

BoJack: That does sound like me. Well, anyway, this is my—business-person—

Pam: Excuse me?

BoJack: Here to help me with some business needs. All very above board.

Pam: Uh, what'd you say?

BoJack: No need to mention her in the book either, unless it's a business book.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Ha ha, classic BoJack.

BoJack: Why are you here?

Mr. Peanutbutter: Oh, funny story, I'm filming a reality show later, so I thought I'd drop by with the old tennis ball and chain.

BoJack: That is neither funny, nor a story, nor a reason for you to drop by.

Diane: Aw, he just wanted to come over and brag about his reality show.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Get this, I am starring in a pilot presentation for a celebrity reality show. It's pretty cutting edge, huh?

BoJack: Yeah, if it's 2003.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Ha ha. Don't tell VH1 that. Seriously, though, please don't tell VH1 that. We are calling it Peanutbutter and Jelly. Get it? Because I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.

Live Fast, Diane Nguyen[]

BoJack: Fine, you want me to dance? I'll dance. Give me ten seconds, Diane. This guy's being a total fascist. Diane? Diane?

Diane: Over here, BoJack.

BoJack: How'd you get through so fast?

Diane: I followed the basic requirements for air travel that have been in place for over a decade.

BoJack: Ugh, weird.

Season 2[]

After the Party[]

Diane: He's dead! I told you he's dead! Why don't you ever listen to me?! He is dead, goddammit!

Season 3[]

Season 4[]

What Time Is It Right Now[]

Diane: You know sometimes I feel like our marriage is like a magic eye poster.

Mr. Peanutbutter: I love those things

Diane: I know. And it’s messy. And at first glance, it doesn’t seem to make any sense. And it’s hard to figure out. But sometimes if you squint at it just right everything lines up and it’s the most perfect...beautiful amazing thing.

Mr. Peanutbutter: Yeah. I know what you mean

Diane: But...I’m so tired of squinting.

Season 5[]

The Stopped Show[]

Diane: There's no such thing as "bad guys" or "good guys." We're all just...guys, who do good stuff sometimes and bad stuff sometimes. And all we can do is try to do less bad stuff and more good stuff, but you're never going to be good because you're not bad.

Season 6[]

Nice While It Lasted[]

Diane: Hey.

BoJack: Thought I might find you here.

Diane: [Looks at her cigarette] I've been trying to quit.

BoJack: Yeah, you look like you've been trying really hard.

Diane: Don't be shitty.

BoJack: I haven't seen you in a while, doing okay?

Diane: Yeah, I'm doing okay, I mean, you know, okay.

BoJack: Sure.

Diane: I'm working on this middle-grade fiction series [Chuckles] I mean, who am I, Rick Riordan?

BoJack: Who's Rick Riordan?

Diane: Yeah, fair point.

BoJack: I've also got a new movie coming out

Diane: [Angrily] Oh yeah, with Vance Waggoner, right?

BoJack: I know what you're thinking but he's—

Diane: You don't need to explain yourself to me—

BoJack: I know you think I'm some kind of sell-out

Diane: [defensively] Don't tell me what I—

BoJack: But it wasn't like there were any other opportunities banging on my door.

Diane: I'm not arguing with—

BoJack: And The Horny Unicorn helped—

Diane: I'm not going to help you work through whatever you're trying to work through here, I just came out here to smoke, you came to me!

BoJack: Because I wanted to talk to you.

Diane: What? About The Horny Unicorn?

BoJack: No, about—I don't know I—I wanted to talk to you, I miss talking to you.

Diane: God, I wish I had my phone right now

BoJack: Yeah, I know what you mean. I never know what to do with my hands at parties

Diane: No, I wish I had my phone so I could play you the last voicemail you left me. Did you remember that you left me that voicemail?

BoJack: [Inhales guiltfully] Ooh—

Diane: I thought you were sober. You told me you were sober. And things were good in my life and I was thinking about my future. And I woke up one morning. And I had this voicemail.

BoJack: Look, I wasn't in the—

Diane: You were happy in the voicemail. You sounded happy. Or slightly sardonic or glibly nihilistic, or however you describe the feeling you get that's the closest to the emotion normal people call happy

BoJack: I'm sorry—

Diane: And you were clearly intoxicated and you were talking about swimming. "I'm going swimming," you said "Since nothing matters anyway and nobody cares about me, I might as well go swimming, right?"

BoJack: I'm so sorry—

Diane: "Call me back if you don't want me to go swimming. Otherwise, I'm just gonna assume you don't care."

Diane: I thought you were dead. For seven hours I couldn't get in touch with anyone, and I was sure you were dead, and it was my fault for leaving you. For feeling good. For not worrying. When I left for Chicago, you promised me you were gonna be okay. But, I made you promise that. Was I selfish for believing you?

BoJack: No

Diane: Why did you call me? You knew I was in Chicago

BoJack: I don't know, I was drunk and and—I was high, and I just, I wanted to talk to you

Diane: When I found out you weren't dead, I was angry. I was relieved, but I was also angry that I'd given you that power over me. I was angry at you for a really long time.

BoJack: Are you still angry at me?

Diane: No. I don't know. What good being angry at you has ever done for me?

BoJack: I'm sorry.

Diane: I wish I could have been the person you thought I was. The person who would save you.

BoJack: That was never your job.

Diane: Then why did you always make me feel like it was?

Diane: After you called, I couldn't trust myself. I was happy, and I didn't trust that, so I stayed in Chicago. We tried to make it work, long distance. But, it was hard, eventually, I just thought "This is stupid".

BoJack: So, what? You broke up with him?

Diane: No, I moved to Houston.

BoJack: To be with your boyfriend at the time?

Diane: Yeah, plus the winters in Chicago are as cold as shit, I don't know why anyone would want to build a city there. No wonder that cow started that fire, I get it, I'm on team cow!

BoJack: So your boyfriend at the time, he's not your boyfriend anymore?

Diane: Well—

BoJack: Wow.

Diane: I'm glad I knew Mr. Peanutbutter, even though he's not in my life anymore.

BoJack: Yeah?

Diane: I think there are people that help you become the person you end up being, and you can be grateful for them, even if they were never meant to be in your life forever. I'm glad I knew you too

BoJack: "Knew" huh? [Diane smiles] Hey wouldn't it be funny if this night were the last time we ever talked to each other

BoJack: —So now we end up watching Pieces of April every week

Diane: [laughing] Sorry, that sounds awful.

BoJack: Well, what are you gonna do? Life's a bitch then you die right?

Diane: Sometimes. Sometimes life's a bitch then you keep living. But it's a nice night, huh?

BoJack: Yeah. This is nice.

[They both sit silently as the camera pans to their heads staring at the sky. 'Mr Blue' by Catherine Feeney starts playing. They both sit in awkward silence with nothing left to say to each other for a minute until the credits roll. These are the final appearances of BoJack Horseman and Diane Nguyen and is also the final scene of the BoJack Horseman series.]