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These are quotes said by Cooper Thomas Rogers Wallace Sr.

Season 5[]

The Amelia Earhart Story[]

Mr. Wallace: Oh, I gotta tell you, when my idiot son told me he'd knocked up the help, I .. Let me try that again. Princess Carolyn, we're going to do the right thing, here. You'll have a lovely wedding before you start to show. If it's a girl, we'll name her Dorothy after my mother. Of course, if it's a boy, he'll be the third Cooper Thomas Rogers Wallace, so you'll call him Cooper III, or Cooper Three, Trip, Trey or Lil' Coop. You'll join the Junior League, maybe sing in the Follies. Mrs.Wallace will teach you how to play bridge and destroy other families' social status through indelicate gossip.

Princess Carolyn: Oh

Mr. Wallace: We'll go to Hilton Head every summer and take a photo of all of us on the beach wearing khaki and white. This will be our Christmas card. Inside, it will say "Merry Merry" or "Seasons Greetings," so as not to alienate our friends of other faiths, but we'll know it's Christmas.

Princess Carolyn, I know you're scared, but I promise you, you've got a great life ahead of you. No worries, no tough choices and no money troubles, thanks to the Wallace and Sons Answering Machine Tape empire. Yes, as long as people need answering machine tapes, you will be taken care of. Sound good?

Princess Carolyn: Yes.

Mr. Wallace: Ah, ah, ah. Wait for the beep. Sound good? Beep!

Princess Carolyn: Yes, sir.