Beatrice: Here's your omelet. I'm sorry it's not as good as the omelets your secretary makes, but then you're not married to your secretary, are you?
Butterscotch: Well, maybe if my secretary also refused to get an abortion, I would be.
BoJack: Mommy, can I have an omelet?
Beatrice: You're the birthday boy.
BoJack: Happy Father's Day, Daddy.
Butterscotch: What is this supposed to be, a Lima bean?
BoJack: It's a heart.
Butterscotch: That's some shoddy craftsmanship, son.
BoJack: I tried my best.
Butterscotch: No, you didn't. You slacked off and took the easy way out. In this world, you can either do things the easy way or the right way. You take a boat from here to New York, you gonna go around the horn like a gentleman or cut through the Panama Canal like some kind of democrat?
BoJack: Um, the canal?
Butterscotch: You go around the horn the way God intended!
BoJack: Daddy, do you want to meet my imaginary friend?
Butterscotch: Imaginary friends are freeloaders invented by Communists to rip off welfare. Why don't you do something productive like bang your head against the wall until your brain isn't so stupid?
BoJack: Okay, Daddy.
Beatrice: Oh, big stud, running off to gallivant with your fillies.
Butterscotch: Is that to impress me? Coz I can smash a dinner plate, too.
Beatrice: That's a salad plate, you peasant.
Butterscotch: What? I thought these were salad plates!
Beatrice: Those are saucers!
Butterscotch: Why do we even have saucers? We don't drink tea!
Beatrice:: Those saucers are for entertaining!
Butterscotch: Oh, yeah? Well, I'm EXIT-taining. Do you get it?!
Butterscotch: Nope. Just crashing some dumb debutante’s party. Heh heh.
Butterscotch: You’re the dumb debutante aren’t you?
Butterscotch: Butterscotch Horseman. Charmed I’m sure.
Butterscotch: Yes, yes, I see you. Get in. Get in. Your mother's having another one of her episodes. Last night, she went to see A Doll's House with a couple girlfriends, and now she has ideas. emerged from my sanctum, this afternoon, to discover that not only had she not made me lunch, which is a meal I need in order to live, but she'd furthermore, locked herself in the bedroom to weep loudly.
Now, it's one thing for a woman to weep, but when they do it at such a volume you can hear it through the door, then you know they're doing it just for the attention. Anyway, I was able to cobble together a sandwich for myself, so, I'm the real hero of the story.
It was a couple hours later when I realized I was on a good run with my novel. I had this really interesting sentence that kept going for pages and pages, and I thought about how rare it is to really get in the groove like that. How, most days, I can't concentrate, because my idiot child is blasting the television, and it suddenly dawned on me; hot cock on a rock, she never even picked up the little noise and snot factory!
So, here I am, being your mother, which I know is giving you all sorts of mixed-up ideas about gender, while your brain is still loose and stupid. just remember, if you become a queer later in life, this isn't my fault! Don't you sing no songs in your nightclub act called, "My Daddy was My Mommy," while gazing longingly at a tangled string of pearls.
Pearls are for ladies, BoJack. Pearls are for ladies. You know Sunday is my writing day. Sundays are the one day that are just for me and my craft, and still, you and the black hole that birthed you conspire to ruin it for me. What am I supposed to do now? Just go back to writing? I'm out of the zone now, the whole day's shot! All because of you and that brittle wisp of a woman you made the mistake of making your mother. [sighs]
No. It's not her fault. She's doing the best she can, after all. It's just that you can't depend on women. You can't depend on anyone. Sooner or later, you need to learn, that no one else is gonna take care of you. That's what I learned when I had to make my own sandwich.
You can't rely on other people, BoJack. It's good for you to know that. And she's a good mother for teaching you that. You've got a head start on most kids. You're actually very lucky. THAAAANNNK YOUUUU!!!!!????