|“||Are you embarrassed of me because I’m a has-been? Because you know that I’m writing that book that is going to make everybody love me again!||”|
The episode begins with a flashback to Horsin' Around, a three-year-old Sarah Lynn and BoJack Horseman are acting, there is a fade into BoJack in an interview with Charlie Rose, eighteen years after his hit sitcom Horsin' Around ended, focusing on his life.
Charlie tells the audience Horsin' Around was initially dismissed by critics as being "broad, saccharine, and not good." However, the show struck a chord with America and went on to air for nine seasons.
Charlie then introduces BoJack and BoJack tells him it's good to be there and apologizes for being late. He then tells Charlie he parked in the handicapped spot and Charlie questions this. BoJack then corrects himself and says disabled spot and asks if "disabled" is the correct nomenclature.
Charlie suggests he move the car, and BoJack tells Charlie he is drunk and therefore he doesn't think he should drive. Charlie, in disbelief questions, BoJack on whether he is really drunk at that moment.BoJack then asks Charlie if he's nailing the interview, which Charlie gives him a reluctant "yes" to. Charlie then questions what BoJack attributes the wide appeal of Horsin' Around to. BoJack then says he knows it's hip to shit on Horsin' Around, but says the show is pretty solid for what it is. He admits "It's not Ibsen" but says that life is "one, long hard kick in the urethra" and at the end of a hard day people just want to watch a show about good, likable people where every problem gets resolved in thirty minutes.At the mention of real life, Charlie asks what he has done significantly since the cancellation of the show but BoJack is at a loss for words.
BoJack is walking around in his house, his roommate Todd is watching The Maury Show. As BoJack is walking, Todd greets him and BoJack responds in a very monotonous tone. Todd responds with "Why so gloomy, roomie?" BoJack tells Todd that he is not his roomie, instead, he is merely a houseguest as he doesn't pay rent and sleeps on his couch. BoJack elaborates his annoyance saying that he's had tapeworms that were less parasitic.BoJack questions why he's been letting Todd live there for the past five years rent-free, Todd responds by saying that his parents kicked him out and he had nowhere to go, so one day he just crashed BoJack's party and he had been living with him ever since. BoJack retorts that he thought Todd was kicked out for his "alternative lifestyle," meaning he was a troubled gay teen not realizing Todd simply meant he was lazy. Todd then tells him that's on him for making assumptions.There is then a cut to Silver Spoon Diner, where BoJack is meeting with Pinky Penguin regarding his upcoming book.
Pinky tells him that he would have invited BoJack but the electricity in his company shut off because they didn't pay the bill. Pinky tells him that his company Penguin is very eager to work with him, but he keeps missing his deadline for his memoirs. BoJack apologizes and tells him he is making great progress, there is a cut to BoJack in his study talking into his tape recorder as the days go by, with him not make much further progress than the title of the first chapter. Pinky tells him they really need a bestseller since they are soon to go bankrupt.
Pinky recommends him to hire a ghost-writer but BoJack harshly declines the offer and tells Pinky to give him one more week, and that this book is a "top priority" for him, Pinky tells him he will call BoJack in a week to check up.
One week later, BoJack is watching Horsin' Around and Pinky calls. BoJack gets reminded of his deadline and doesn't answer the call. As BoJack is laughing along to Horsin' Around, Todd wakes up and asks BoJack if he's bummed out. BoJack tries to avoid the question but does admit he is bummed out. Todd asks if he is sad because Princess Carolyn dumped him the previous night. BoJack then questions who told Todd about their breakup.
There is then a cut to ten hours earlier at Elefino. BoJack's ex-girlfriend Princess Carolyn tells him they need to talk. BoJack then points out Lenny Turteltaub and asks who he thinks he's fooling as turtles don't have hair. Princess Carolyn then tells BoJack to stop embarrassing her. Princess Carolyn then proceeds to tell BoJack they should see other people. BoJack then asks "Were we not seeing other people?"
There is then a cut to him having sex with Emily Mortimer, however, he tells her to be quiet as he is watching yet another rerun of Horsin' Around, referring to it as good comedy. There is a cut back to Elefante where BoJack questions if Princess Carolyn is embarrassed by him because he's a "has been." He then goes on to say he's writing a book that will make everyone love him again. Princess Carolyn then retorts that he's not really writing a book.
Princess Carolyn then tells him this has been fun but she wants to start a family and BoJack doesn't respect her enough to have a baby with.
BoJack then says he never explicitly said that. Princess Carolyn then tells him he said it through his actions. BoJack questions what actions and there is a cut to him and Princess Carolyn on the sidewalk. Princess Carolyn points out a mother and baby and asks BoJack "Isn't that the cutest baby you ever saw?" BoJack, in a panic, knocks over the stroller with the baby in it, and off-screen runs into oncoming traffic to steal a car. A police officer tells him to step away from the stolen vehicle and BoJack explains he was running away from his girlfriend who he doesn't respect enough to have a baby with. The officer then questions if he's The Horse from Horsin' Around.
There is then a cut back to Elefante and Princess Carolyn tells him he's afraid of commitment. BoJack then defensively says it's the following through on the commitment that he takes issue with. Princess Carolyn then points out Mr. Peanutbutter who is signing an autograph for Lady in Green and asks BoJack isn't that his friend. BoJack then says he hopes Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't see them.
Exactly at that moment Mr. Peanutbutter notices them and asks "Is that BoJack Horseman? Mr. Peanutbutter and BoJack in the same room. What is this a crossover episode?" BoJack sarcastically says it gets funnier every time, and Mr. Peanutbutter recognizing the sarcasm says he thinks the joke does get funnier every time. BoJack then says he and Princess Carolyn are in the middle of breaking up.
Mr. Peanutbutter then questions if it would be awkward if he joined them and BoJack tells him it would be very awkward. Mr. Peanutbutter pulls up a chair for himself and questions if it's awkward now. An irritated BoJack tells him to leave. Princess Carolyn asks Mr. Peanutbutter how he is, and he responds by saying he's living the dream.
BoJack then questions why she's making conversation and she tells him it's called being polite. BoJack then questions if he's crazy that this is a bad time. Mr. Peanutbutter then gets up and yells out to his friend Erica and walks off. Princess Carolyn then asks if it would kill BoJack to be civil saying this is why they are breaking up. BoJack then questions if it's not about the thing with the baby. Princess Carolyn then tells him it's about a lot of things.
BoJack then gets upset about having to pay $10.00 for the bread baskets he ate. Princess Carolyn then asks BoJack to take her home. During the car ride, BoJack then asks if Princess Carolyn thinks he's getting fat. She then asks if he wants to know the real reason they are breaking up. BoJack then says he can't hear her over the sound of his calories metabolizing. Princess Carolyn then says he's using the bread thing to avoid talking about their relationship.
Princess Carolyn reiterates her desire to go home and BoJack says she thinks he's fat.
There is then a cut back to Todd and BoJack in the living room. BoJack then says technically he was dumped but the real headline is "Dumb Guy Eats Bread, Gets Fat: The End." Todd questions what kind of headline is that. Todd then encourages BoJack to meet the ghostwriter by throwing a party, with the dual intent of making the party a quinceañera for a drug cartel lord's daughter to repay a debt—unbeknownst to BoJack.
BoJack questions Todd on who told him that he and Princess Carolyn broke up. Todd then gestures to Princess Carolyn and says she did. Princess Carolyn walks over to where Todd and BoJack are sitting and says BoJack never took her home, calling him a jerk. BoJack sarcastically says everything is his fault and Princess Carolyn sternly tells him to take her home.
There is then another cut to BoJack and Princess Carolyn in the car. Princess Carolyn then tells BoJack it's the last time he will see her face. Cutting her off in mid-sentence he lets her out of the car while it's still moving. Princess Carolyn ducks ad rolls and lands on the sidewalk. Princess Carolyn then calls BoJack as his agent, not his girlfriend. She tells him she has the ability to separate her professional life from her personal life.
Princess Carolyn then tells BoJack that Penguin wants an update on the book he's pretending to write. Princess Carolyn then asks if he wants an appointment on Tuesday which BoJack reluctantly agrees to.
There is then a cut to BoJack's meeting with Pinky at Penguin Publishing. Pinky gets upset that BoJack doesn't have anything and says the company is in dire straits. He then tells BoJack they are tired of waiting and are hiring him a ghostwriter. Pinky then hands BoJack a business card with the name Diane Nguyen on it. Pinky then says Diane is great and she has a thing for horses. Pinky then hands BoJack a copy of Secretariat: a Life, which was ghostwritten by Diane. BoJack then says he always wanted to play Secretariat in a film.
Pinky then tells BoJack to give Diane a call and tell her that.
At home, BoJack vents to Todd about being a failure and not being able to start his book. Todd then reassures him he has an amazing story to tell and he should relax. BoJack then tells Todd he has never had a day of stress in his life and that is easy for him to say. There is then a flashback to Todd's run-in with a Mexican drug cartel.
BoJack then says he wants people to like him and Todd questions this. BoJack questions if people don't like him and Todd struggles to answer. Princess Carolyn who is in the kitchen asks why BoJack doesn't just have that lady write the book for him and be done with it. Princess Carolyn reveals they had sex the night before and she is now making breakfast.
Todd then suggests BoJack meets his ghostwriter at the party. BoJack then questions what party and why Todd is so obsessed with throwing a party all of a sudden. There is then another flashback where the leader of the drug cartel tells Todd he owes him a place to throw his daughter's quinceañera. Todd then simply responds to BoJack's question by saying parties are fun.
Princess Carolyn then asks BoJack if the book is so important to him why hasn't he worked on it in a year in a half. BoJack then says the book is his legacy and everyone thinks of him as this washed-up hack. BoJack then suffers a mild anxiety attack when he explains his fear of an unsuccessful memoir dooming him from becoming relevant in the public's eyes again. He is hospitalized shortly after.
BoJack is seen watching the pilot episode of Horsin' Around in the hospital and Todd questions if he takes the Horsin' Around DVDs with him everywhere he goes. Princess Carolyn then says she has meetings with her other clients. Princess Carolyn is silent and BoJack tells her that her silence speaks volumes. In a sing-song voice, she says that was her intention.
The doctor then comes in and tells BoJack he suffered from a mild anxiety attack and that he needs BoJack to take it easy. Princess Carolyn then says all BoJack ever does is take it easy and he doesn't even have any real responsibilities or a job. BoJack then solemnly tells the doctor he can try. Todd then again suggests they have the party and he can meet the ghostwriter. BoJack finally gives in and says they can throw the party.
When BoJack finally throws his party/quinceañera. BoJack is eating cotton candy when he questions Todd on who are all these people. Todd avoids the question by saying they are people from all different walks of life. BoJack then runs into Mr. Peanutbutter who makes his crossover joke and tells BoJack he's just kidding around. Mr. Peanutbutter then tells BoJack he wants to talk to him and then calls out for his friend Erica.
He then meets Diane, his ghostwriter. She walks up to him as he is looking over the balcony and she tells him parties make her anxious. She then starts talking about how she was never invited to any parties in high school. She then compliments BoJack on his house and he tells her that after being in a dumb sitcom he might as well get a sweet house out of the deal.
Diane then asks BoJack what he's been working on and he tells her he just sits around his home and complains.
Diane then asks BoJack how that's working out for him and he says he can't really complain. BoJack then sees Mr. Peanutbutter joking around and questions if she knows who that is. Diane then indicates she knows him. BoJack then says his show Mr. Peanutbutter's House about the dog who adopts three human kids was a dumb idea for a sitcom. BoJack then says Mr. Peanutbutter is so stupid that he doesn't realize how miserable he should be.
Diane then asks BoJack if he knows the story of the dad from The Brady Bunch. BoJack then responds he was bringing up three boys of his own. Diane says that's right but the real story is that the guy who played the dad hated being on The Brady Bunch because he thought it was beneath him and he was a real actor. Diane then goes on to say most people don't even get to do The Brady Bunch version of the thing they want to do with their lives. She tells BoJack he is actually in a really good place because he can do whatever he wants and is responsible for his own happiness.
BoJack then says that's depressing and Diane says it isn't. BoJack tells her he can't even be responsible for making his own breakfast. There is then a cut to him struggling to pour cereal in a bowl and calling out to Todd for help. Diane then questions what would make him happy. He tells her he guesses finishing his memoir would make him happy. Diane then says she could help with that.
BoJack then asks if she would really want to, as she would have to spend a lot of time with him and would probably get sick of him. Diane reassures him that won't happen.
The two manage to hit it off well until Diane introduces to BoJack that her boyfriend is Mr. Peanutbutter, BoJack's sitcom rival. BoJack questions this and says he's really happy for them while uncontrollably vomiting cotton candy at the revelation that Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter are dating.
|Will Arnett||...||BoJack Horseman|
|Amy Sedaris||...||Princess Carolyn|
|Alison Brie||...||Diane Nguyen / Olivia|
|Paul F. Tompkins||...||Mr. Peanutbutter|
|Aaron Paul||...||Todd Chavez|
|Chris Cox||...||Additional Voices|
|Jon Daly||...||Additional Voices|
|Nicholas Gonzalez||...||Cartel Man|
|Patton Oswalt||...||Charlie Rose / Pinky Penguin / Doctor|
|Kristen Schaal||...||Sarah Lynn|
|J. K. Simmons||...||Lenny Turteltaub|
|Fred Tatasciore||...||Additional Voices|
|Heléne Yorke||...||Additional Voices|
- This episode is one of the two of the seven episodes from the show's original pitch treatment that would actually be made into an episode, the other being BoJack Hates The Troops, which was originally titled BoJack supports the Troops!
- This episode was originally titled "BoJack Throws A Party!," and its plot was almost identical to the finished project.
- There is a reference to The Jerry Lewis Show on the TV.
- The Wilhelm scream can be heard when some sliding on the floor co-worker accidentally falls out of window Penguin Publishing.
- BoJack and Princess Carolyn are seen standing at a crosswalk in front of a "Lululemming" store, referencing the real-life athletic clothing retailer Lululemon.
- An autograph huntress in a green dress is giving an interview in BoJack the Feminist. In Ruthie she works at a jewelry store as a sales associate. She also appears in Horse Majeure and Zoës and Zeldas.
- ↑ Original Pitch Treatment, BoJack Horseman: The Art Before The Horse