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Quotes from Beatrice Horseman

Season 1[]

Downer Ending[]


Beatrice Horseman: Can't lives in a house on Won't street!

(Famous motivational quote meaning when you think that you can't do something, what you're really facing is what you won't try to do.)


BoJack:  But I don't feel like singing...

Beatrice Horseman: Nobody gives a damn what you feel! You've got an audience out there, and they want to hear you sing. Now, you want your mommy to love you? You go out there and you do the only thing you're good for, which is singing the goddamn Lollipop Song!

Season 2[]

Brand New Couch[]

Beatrice Horseman: Don't sit so close to the TV. It'll make you cruel.


Beatrice Horseman: You ruined me, BoJack.

BoJack:  I know...

Beatrice Horseman: You better grow up to be something great, to make up for all the damage you've done.

BoJack:  I will...


Beatrice Horseman: Well, it wasn't Ibsen.

BoJack:  That's your takeaway? That your son's TV show wasn't Ibsen?

Beatrice Horseman: (sarcastic)  I'm sorry. Did you need a compliment?


Beatrice Horseman: I wouldn't drink anything out of an open container. This town is full of aids.


Beatrice Horseman: You're a clown, you know that?

BoJack:  And you've always been a wonderful pillar of support...


Beatrice Horseman: You don't know how lucky you are to have me! I hope you die before I do, so you never have to know what it's like to lose a mother.

BoJack:  Well, as long as one of us dies, that's good enough for me!


Beatrice Horseman: I read your book, BoJack.

BoJack:  Oh.

Beatrice Horseman: It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. You know how I feel about Anne Frank.

BoJack:  That was a diary.


Beatrice Horseman: You must think I'm a real monster.

BoJack:  Mom-

Beatrice Horseman: I don't wanna fight you, BoJack. I just wanted to tell you: I know. I know you wanna be happy, but you won't be, and... I'm sorry. It's not just you, you know. Your father and I, we- Well... you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you. You were born broken, that's your birthright. And now, you can fill your life with projects, your books, and your movies and your little girlfriends, but it won't make you whole. You're BoJack Horseman. There's no cure for that.


The Shot[]

Beatrice Horseman: Don't you dare put that out! That is a perfectly good cigarette, and you are going to finish it.

BoJack:  But I don't wanna.

Beatrice Horseman: And I don't want to be the mother of a quitter. Finish it.


Beatrice Horseman: Don't you dare cry. Don't you ever cry! You wanted this.

BoJack:  Are you punishing me for smoking or for stealing?

Beatrice Horseman: I'm punishing you for being alive.

Season 4[]

Lovin that cali lifestyle!![]

Beatrice Horseman: One.


Beatrice Horseman: Henrietta, would you like a grapefruit? I have but four, but I will share one with you, for I am kind and honest.

Time’s Arrow[]

Beatrice: You think you want this but you don’t. Not like this.

Henrietta: Mrs. Horseman-

Beatrice: Don’t throw away your dreams for this child. Don’t let that man poison your life the way he did mine. You are going to finish your schooling and become a nurse. You’ll meet a man, a good man and you’ll have a family, but please believe me you don’t want this. Please Henrietta you have to believe me. Please, don’t do it I did.

Season 5[]

Season 6[]

The View from Halfway Down[]

[BoJack rings the doorbell. He is seen holding a hydrangea plant and he is with a three-year-old Sarah Lynn]

Sarah Lynn: What you got there?

BoJack: I think it's a hydrangea.

Sarah Lynn: Does she even like that kind of plant?

BoJack: Probably not. She doesn't like anything.

Beatrice: [Opens door] Hello BoJack.

BoJack: Thanks for having me, Mom.

Beatrice: You're the guest of honor. Everyone, BoJack is here!

Herb: Hey buddy! Get in here!

[Sarah Lynn giggles and runs into the living room from the foyer]

BoJack: [Shows Beatrice the Hydrangea] For you.

Beatrice: [sarcastically] Oh, a plant. Dirt for inside. Goody.

[Beatrice goes to the door and closes it]

Beatrice: You got here just in time, BoJack. A bird flew through the window and we're having trouble getting her out of the house.

[They both walk into the living room where, Sarah Lynn (who has now age-progressed to her preteen self), Corduroy, Herb, and Crackerjack are all trying to catch the bird]

Sarah Lynn: Get her! Ah!

Crackerjack: Golly, she's more coy than a coyote claiming a cottontail.

Zach Braff: Ahem, Phone for you, Mrs. Horseman.

Beatrice: Thank you, Butler.

BoJack: Is that Zach Braff?

Beatrice: Who?

BoJack: Zach Braff. Actor, independent filmmaker, real-life friend of Donald Faison?

Zach Braff: At your service! I actually was friends with Donald in real-life, he's a spectacular man-

Beatrice: Butler!

Zach Braff: Sorry! Phone call for you.

Beatrice: I'll take it into the kitchen, BoJack make yourself useful for a change and help, will ya? With the bird.

[Beatrice and Zach Braff vanish. Beatrice is then seen in the kitchen, taking the phone call]

Beatrice: [On the phone] Oh, It's you.

Beatrice: [to BoJack] Are you ready to sing the lollipop song in the big show later?

BoJack: No, Mom. You know I never make it to the show.

Corduroy: [to Crackerjack] Crackerjack, do you think your death meant something....[tar drips on BoJack's head, he looks up annoyed] because it was it was in the service of the greater cause?

Crackerjack: Aw, shucks...[interrupted by Beatrice]

Beatrice: [defensively] Of course it meant something.

Crackerjack: I think questions like that are too big for a little soldier like me.

Beatrice: [she touches Crackerjack's shoulder] My brother gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Corduroy: But sometimes I wonder—

BoJack: But see, this is where I get hung up, because when we valorize the idea of sacrifice, of loss, of suffering. [tar drips from the ceiling]

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